who knew?

Little did I know how much joy a third lane can bring into my life!

The funny part is that it's going to be no better than it was before the construction, but after a full year of gridlock it sure feels sweet.

why didn't i think of that?

I went to the movies last week with my family. We saw the new Indiana Jones movie - a bit of a family tradition.

We're in line for concessions and I see my brother standing over at the butter station. It's always bugged me that about ten years ago movie theaters everywhere stopped buttering your popcorn for you. When you do it yourself you end up only getting butter on the top of your popcorn, and by the middle of the tub it's run dry. Otherwise, you put too much butter on the popcorn and then you have a big greasy pile of heart-attack-in-a-tub.

Thanks to aforementioned brother: Problem Solved.

In a maneuver that could only be matched by MacGyver himself, I see my brother standing at the butter dispenser with a long, movie theater concession stand straw attached to the nozzle. Where does the straw lead?

Straight to the middle of the tub, baby!

Patent pending.

shameless self-promotion

I'm pretty sure that most people who read this blog are aware, but today is the the day that my band's album comes out. It's been a long time coming - lots of blood, sweat, and beers went into the making of the album. We've got our release show tonight at Wise Fools Pub, and I've probably never been more excited for a show. It's looking like it's going to be a packed house, so the band will be giving it everything we've got. It's nice to put so much effort into something, and to be able to celebrate its completion with so many people tonight will be very gratifying.

I don't know how many copies we'll sell, or if anything will ever come of it, but I know we've made something that we're all really proud of.

the urban cougar

Today, three blocks from my house, City of Chicago police officers killed...a cougar.

No joke. A cougar.

Read about it here.

I just got home from band practice at 10 PM. I had to walk a block from the car to my house. It's dark out. Just imagine turning the corner, guitar in hand, and seeing a cougar staring you dead in the eyes. One on one. Man vs. beast.

I would shit my pants.

That's not just an expression, either. I would literally shit my pants.

A cougar?!

Well, I can cross one more thing off my list of shit to worry about: getting mauled by a cougar on a Roscoe Village side street.

no - it's a silent "K"

I'm often referred to as a grumpy, old Mr. Burns-type fellow. In some ways, those people are correct.

For example, from time to time I watch "Wheel of Fortune."

The category was "Place." Here's the puzzle.

C _ _ Y OF L_ _ HT.

The stupid whore on the show goes, "I'd like to solve the puzzle.

"City of Work!"

She must have thought it was a silent "HT" ending, or something.

Sometimes I wish I had Pat Sajak's job.

the squad

Today was what I like to refer to as Spring Christmas (a.k.a. Fantasy Baseball Draft Day).

My team, the Axilla Allstars, are coming off a second place 2007 season. We had a nice squad of keepers (we keep 10 guys), and were able to hold onto most of our draft picks for this year.

My co-owner/team v.p. decided to go to Vegas this weekend. I called him hoping I could catch him just as he was getting back home from his trip, but naturally he missed his flight and was hungover in the Vegas airport.

This is what I'm working with, people.

Anyways, here's the squad. I'd give my draft a B-.


C- J. Varitek
1B - A. Gonzalez*
2B - B. Roberts*
3B - R. Zimmerman*
SS - J. Peralta
OF - C. Crawford*
OF - R. Braun*
OF - A. Jones
UTIL - J. Upton*

SP - C. Zambrano*
SP - F. Carmona*
RP - K. Gregg
RP - T. Jones
P - B. Lyon
P - T. Pena
P - J. Accardo
B - J. Lackey*
B - A. Harang*
B - R. Johnson
B - B. Bannister
B - U. Jimenez

* - kept from last year

All in all, we'll be competitive, but it's going to take some creativity on our part to get this team into one of championship caliber.

For all I know, my co-owner is still passed out in the Vegas airport throwing up into a slot machine bucket next to a lady with purple hair and blue eye shadow and her lucky troll dolls.

Good thing we've got over six months to turn this ship around!

out of hibernation

This has been the shittiest winter I've ever experienced in my 27 years of life. I like to think I'm pretty tough, too. After spending all of my winters in brutal climates, I can honestly say I have been through some shit-f@%^ winters.

But today is 63 degrees and the window in my study is open.

It's sunny at 5:53 PM. Very sunny.

I have fantasy baseball draft plans on my desk.

Aaaaaahhhhhh.